Let's Connect

Showing posts with label Fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fear. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS ...

This is something I read on Facebook ! I simply loved it & felt that everyone should read this one.


“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. ♥

Remember love is the richest of all treasures. Without it there is nothing; and with it there is everything. Love never perishes , even if the bones of a lover are ground fine like powder. Just as the perfume of sandalwood does not leave it, even if it is completely ground up, similarly the basis of love is the soul, and it is indestructible and therefore eternal. Beauty can be destroyed , but not love. ♥

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Murphy or Barfi :P


Top Talaiya, Peepal Chaiyya
Har Kooche Ki Aisi Taisi




Barfi Jab Amma Ji Ki Kokh Me Tha Soya
Amma Ne Murphy Ka Radio Mangaaya



   
   So finally I got to watch BARFI today .... I am so happy !!! 

  More happy coz after long I saw a movie with my dad :-) !!! I never intended to write a blog post about the movie but anyways here it is !!!
   I came home from the movie & first thing I did was rush to my room & cry a bit ( I know lame ). But I cry & somehow I wasn't able to cry infront of my mom, dad & chachu thinking that the will laugh at me ! But my mom knew that I wanted to cry :P Mumma knows everything ! So after a bit of a teary session I headed to my computer & downloaded all songs of BARFI. 
   I have been listening to the songs since then.... Currently I was listening to the original track & decided to write abt my BARFI experience !
My BARFI Experience 

   Stupendo Fantabulously Fantastical :-) Amazing concept, Amazing cast, Amazing acting, Amazing music, Amazing direction, Amazing mix of emotions, EVERYTHING Amazing .... I love Ranbir & Priyanka !!! & !!! Hats off to Anurag Basu ... superb direction !!!
   An offbeat movie but a MUST WATCH !!! I so different from all those typical bollywood movies ! Movies on two very sensitive subjects Deaf-Dumb & Autism !!! Really touched !!! A romantic comedy movie & as my friend says romcom !!! Seriously till a year back I had no clue what is romcom :P
   the biggest RISK is to NOT take a RISK

Itti si hansi
Itti si khushi
Itta sa tukda chand ka
Khwabon ke tinkon se
Chal banayeinn aashiyaan


xoxo
Aastha

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Yesterday was a Weird Day... !!!


  Yesterday my day started with waking up on time but still late to leave my place for college ! I knew I was gonna get late but I still did all the morning chores slowly & steadily :p The clock struck 7.30am (time to leave) but I was still not dressed up...I had to catch a train of 7.43am... It was impossible for me ! Still I tried my level best & reached station at 7.55am (how specific am I). But BANG... there I feel on the entrance stairs of the station... Hurting myself !!! But I was more embarrassed than being hurt !!! Hundreds of people staring at me & here they got a new topic to talk about !!!

  I always see an uncle when I enter station !!! He wears a security kind of uniform but looks like a BODYGUARD!!! So BODYGUARD uncle (that's what I have named him) came to my rescue. I saw my train going & I couldn't move. I was sitting at the station for about 10mins thinking what to do? I was in pain, my palms & knees bruised & my clothes .... DIRTY ... Finally I called my mom telling her that I was coming back home.
   I enter home & my mom asked me "Are your clothes okay? Did you tear them?" & started laughing :p But after laughing for a few seconds she gave me some medicines to eat & apply !!! Me like a POWERPUFF GIRL limping to my room & got ready to leave again ! I had to submit my report in college ! All my friends told me not to come including my mom but I had decided !

  I went back to station & OMG people were hanging from the train ! I finally got in train after a bit of torture from some ladies! I was finally in college & to shock me came a BAD NEWS .... "Lectures have been cancelled" said my ma'am! After making some faces of anger & happiness I left to go to my internship! I was super excited as it was Teacher's Day celebration in the school & I was teaching in that school. So technically I am a Teacher too :p ... I was sad & in pain. I entered the school & another shock "Half day at school". The emotions in me intensified but to make me happy came my students. Oh ! How much I love them. I teach in a special school ! But I the term SPECIAL given to these students means something else to me They are so loving & caring, words are not enough to praise them! For me they are GIFTED :-)
  I came back home... I thought all bad that was gonna happen is now over. In the evening around 9.00pm I got back to modify my report ! But the weird day was not over. The clock struck 12am & I heard a lot of dogs crying... I got scared & msged my friend & to make it worse the moment I sent the msg the dogs stopped crying :p I finally finished my report & was off to bed!
  But it wasn't over yet, my friend got scared during the night as she was all alone in d house & at 2.54am someone rung the door bell a few times... She was scared so she called me about 19 times but I din't hear it. 19 TIMES not a small number.... And finally this was the end !

xoxo
Aastha